5 Things I Don't Understand

#1  I don't understand why people don't believe in Bigfoot.  Bigfoot is also known as Yeti, Sasquatch, Grassman, Windigo, Skunk Ape, Almas, and many others.  I mean, this big hairy beast is spotted all over the world.  Something with that many names has to be around.  Go to any beach in Florida and you are bound to find some hairy looking beasts on the beach there as well.  Besides, the Bible is filled with giants (Numbers 13:33) and hairy dudes (Genesis 25:25).  I don't know.  Why couldn't there be some people living out in the woods... like... super hairy Amish basketball players or something.  Maybe I have watched too many weird TV shows or watched too many movies.  Could it be that TV has an influence on us and what we believe?  No... that can't be!  TV is just entertainment.  TV does not influence me one single bit.  There is no way that the world has influenced me through the television and pushed my finite brain to a belief that I am unsure about.  The Devil would never work that way.


#2  I don't understand why I don't sound like a Christian.
I was listening to the radio today, actually I was hitting the seek button while driving, and I happened upon what I must assume is a Christian radio station.  I also hit a Hispanic station while radio surfing and listened to that para los pocos minutos.  Anyway, I was listening to the Christian radio station and the person was talking about an event she put on in a park... I don't know what exactly, but began to speak about how she was amazed at the "divine appointments" that she had seen.  She commented that "God spoke to her directly" during this event and so on.  I must admit, I don't talk about "divine appointments" and "God speaking directly into my heart" and I don't call every person I meet in church "Brother" or "Sister" and seek out "mighty fellowship" with others.  Some people sound like that and they talk like that all the time.  They woke up in the morning and "God moved in their heart" to open the door and "Brother So-And-So" was there to "testify" that God gave them a "divine appointment" to go to McDonald's and such.  I have been a Christian for like 25 years... why don't I sound like one?  


#3  I don't understand what the big deal is with the Chilean miners.  
Did I miss something?  I get that a mine collapsed and people were stuck and all that, but... doesn't that happen in West Virginia all the time?  What is the big deal?  I understand that it would have been tragic if they had all died (I'm not totally heartless), but again, other tragedies happen and other people go through trials... what's so important about these particular miners?  Oh, and the wife and the mistress showing up to greet the same miner is absolutely Biblical... Numbers 32:23 says, "and you may be sure that your sin will find you out."  It is also quite hilarious and worth a Saturday Night Live sketch.


#4  I don't understand where boogers come from and why picking them is bad manners.  
I can imagine the Garden of Eden.  Adam is there.  Eve is there.  Adam and Eve are walking through the luscious Garden.  Adam stops for a second and digs for gold up his nostril.  Eve immediately says, "Don't do that... it's bad manners."  Adam says, "How do you know, we haven't even sinned yet."  Eve looks at God and says, "A little help here?"  God of course laughs and says, "Its snot my problem!"  Sometimes there is a little boogie in there and he's got to come out.  What is the big deal?  


#5 I don't understand how once a month ended up being "regular church attendance."
I've got nothing else to say on this one.  If God is important in your life, wouldn't you want to show up at His house all the time?  Just sayin'.