Bible Bathroom Humor

[reprinted from Troy's Sermon "Life of David: Loving Your Enemies" February 2006]


THE PITIFUL PIT STOP

1 Samuel 24:1-4 records for us, "After Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, "David is in the Desert of En Gedi."  So Saul took three thousand chosen men from all Israel and set out to look for David and his men near the Crags of the Wild Goats.  He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave.  The men said, "This is the day the LORD spoke of when he said to you, 'I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.'" Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul's robe."

So, David hides in a cave as he is being chased by a maniacal Saul.  Saul and his men almost comically stop outside the same exact cave!  I can imagine David thinking that his time had run out and Saul had found he and his men. David and his men go far back in the cave. David did not realize that Saul was taking a potty break and did not know he had tracked David down.  David’s men encouraged him to kill Saul while he was otherwise occupied.  24:5-6 describe the kind of person David was, "Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. He said to his men, ‘The LORD forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the LORD’s anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the LORD.’"

I do not think that women realize this, but there are unwritten rules for men in public bathrooms and it is expected that each man is to know these rules. Women’s rules for bathroom behavior is unknown to me. I do not think I have ever been in a women’s bathroom, but men’s bathroom behavior is something I know about:


Here are the unwritten rules:

RULE 1: When using a urinal, there must be an empty one between you and another fellow if at all possible (1,3,5 rule)


RULE 2: no talking


RULE 3: look straight ahead or straight up (fake stretch if you have to)... no eye contact


RULE 4: when waiting, look mostly at the floor until it is your turn

I think King Saul was following some of these unwritten rules while he was in the cave. He must have been looking straight ahead and not paying attention to anything else. David came up and cut a piece of his robe off and he did not even know! David was a skilled warrior and Saul was definitely occupied. I think about this situation if the roles were reversed. What if it had been Saul in the back of the cave and David the one entering and taking care of some business. I see from 1 Samuel 19-23 that Saul would not have hesitated to kill David. He would have snuck up and put a spear into him as he had tried so many times before.
I find it remarkable that David was "conscience stricken." In the deepest part of David’s feelings, he felt guilty and could not believe what he had done. He respected Saul for being the "Lord’s Anointed" as the king of Israel and the one that God chose to lead His people.


Something to think about the next time you tinkle.