The Most Dangerous Question

"Why?"

"Why" is by far the most dangerous question.  Why?

The question 'why' carries with it two possible motives.  First, the question 'why' can be used because someone does not understand an issue, word, process or result.  This is the purest form of the question which is needed in scientific endeavors, education, and other worthy pursuits.  These purest form 'why' questions have very simple answers.  To be honest, when we hear the question 'why,' we do not immediately assume that its use is this pure form of interrogative.

Examples:
"Why is the sky blue?"
Answer: God made it that way.

"Why are we going here for dinner?"
Answer: We have a gift card.

"Why do men like sports more than women?"
Answer: Testosterone

Second, the question 'why' carries all sorts of assumptions and baggage.  It is this form of 'why' that we most often encounter and most often use.  'Why' can be used when the answer is well-known, but the asker would like to drive home a point.  'Why' can be used in place of judgmental statements.  'Why' can be used in place of criticism.  'Why' can also be used in response to deflect an incoming question.    

Examples:
"Why are you wearing two different shoes?"  Baggage: "You look ridiculous and have no fashion."
[known answer]
Answer: I couldn't find the match.

"Why did you do it that way?"  Baggage: "I don't like what you did."
[judgmental statement]
Answer: I did my best.

"Why did you allow them to do that?" Baggage: "I am criticizing you for your decision making skills"
[criticism]
Answer: Why?
[deflection]

The PROBLEM is that we generally hate the word 'why' because it means that someone does not like something we have done or did not like the result.  Actually, WE ASSUME that and most of the time our assumption is correct.  Most of the time the person is being critical or judgmental and we don't like that!  It is never fun to defend what you have done or said or put in place or allowed to happen.  The person in the office or family or group that is always asking 'why' is seen as the agitator.  Always asking why is frowned upon.  We don't like to answer 'why.'

That's sad I think.

Why?

Because the group that shuns the question 'why' loses out on the opportunity for excellence.
Because the individual that is Defcon 1 when it comes to 'why' is impossible to talk to.
Because the people who dislike 'why' do not want to reflect.
Because a couple who struggles with 'why' will not work through problems.
Because the real reason for processes and decisions are never discussed.
Because the 'why' herald may have good ideas and are dismissed as unwarranted criticisms.

"Why" is the most dangerous question because it is the question that we dislike the most and at the same time need the most.  "Why" will keep is honest, committed to excellence, improve communications, seek the best for each other, clear away false motives, remove barriers between people, and lead to openness for ideas.  "Why" is the gateway for all that.  If we can just answer it.